"And D, we live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period."

Belmont, my hometown, was once called the most boring town in Massachusetts by the Boston Globe. Perhaps it is because there are 14 banks, no fast food restaurants, and no alcohol-serving restaurants that Belmont received that label. Neighborhoodscout.com writes, "We found that the crime rate in Belmont is one of the lowest in the nation for its size. This means Belmont is one of the safest places in America in which to live for its size, a very important finding." Now, I am not saying this to complain; Belmont is a great place to live.

You can only imagine the amazing events reported in the fire/police log, which is printed in the weekly newspaper. The following come from the log over the past month.

Typical Fire Department Day (this is everything they dealt with that day):
10:17 a.m. A fire alarm malfunctioned at the Belmont Springs plant on Country Club Lane.
12:31 p.m. A smoke detector malfunctioned at Watertown Savings Bank in Belmont Center.
1:24 p.m. A smoke detector malfunctioned in a Maple Street residence.

The police log has old reliables (patients escaping from the mental hospital, "serious" traffic violations/car accidents, teenagers getting arrested for drinking):
3:55 p.m. A 27-year-old Hingham man was reported missing from McLean Hospital. He was located around 9:30 a.m. the following morning in Weymouth.
8 p.m. A 16-year-old Winchester girl was found to be intoxicated at the Belmont-Winchester football game. The assistant athletic director from Winchester arranged for her to get home safely.
7:51 p.m. A Belmont man driving a Mistubishi Eclipse was cited for operating with defective equipment and failing to use a seatbelt following a traffic stop on Beech Street. The man reportedly drove by a police cruiser with his stereo turned up so high the cruiser vibrated from the bass. The car also reportedly had a defective license plate light and a broken tail light.
5:36 p.m. A Belmont man driving a 2006 Hyundai was turning into the parking lot of a convenience store on the corner of Brighton and Pleasant streets when his car was reportedly struck by a Charlestown woman on a bicycle. A witness said the woman looked down for a minute then collided with the car. She was treated at the scene by the fire and rescue and taken to Mt. Auburn Hospital for further care.

Then you have your unexpecteds (crazy people, paranoid people, funny things stolen)
9:43 p.m. A Walnut Street resident reported a man jumping up and down on a car. Police found the man wearing only boxer shorts and with cuts on his face. He was reportedly unable to supply police with his name or address, and was not carrying any identification. He was taken to Mt. Auburn Hospital for treatment, and hospital staff reportedly refused to release his name to officers.
4:56 p.m. An A Street resident reported receiving unsolicited e-mails containing references to child pornography.
10:18 a.m. A Ross Road resident reported a man parked his black pick-up truck outside her residence, got out and started taking pictures of the house. She said he came to the door and said he really liked the work they had done on the house, then left. He is described as a white man, in his 50s, about 5 feet 8 inches tall and weighing 185 pounds.
9:30 a.m. A set of keys and a pumpkin were reported stolen from the lobby of a Lexington Street condominium.
10:05 p.m. An Arlington man reported he parked his Honda in front of the Payson Park Church around 7 p.m., and returned to find his trunk open and two trombones, valued at $2,500 each, missing from the car. There were no signs of forced entry to the trunk; police believe he may have accidentally activated the push button on his key chain, causing the trunk to open and allowing someone who passed by to help themselves to the instruments.
2:49 p.m. A Belmont woman was driving on Winter Street when her car was struck by an orange thrown from a school bus. She followed the bus up Winter Street and spoke to the driver when it stopped to let students off. An eighth grade student was identified as the pitcher and administrators at the middle school will follow up.

I just love the funny things reported and the level of detail provided to the Belmontians. I was a little disappointed in the selection to choose from. One of my favorites from high school was a woman calling the police because teenagers were laughing at her. If you ever want to read the Belmont Police/Fire log go here.