Grateful

 This Thanksgiving I am especially grateful for the life of Holland Cottle. Her unexpected death has really, really affected me. I am not sure if it is because Nick and Lexie are some of our closest friends, or that I have daughters the same age as Briz and Holland, or maybe that up until now our married lives have seemed so parallel to the Cottles (starting with those 3 months we lived together as married couples- hilariously weird but actually fun) or just the plain fact of how tragic her passing is. Probably a combination of all of them, but in any event, I have spent a lot of time crying and thinking about Holland and her family.

In my blog post about my trip to Portland for Holland's funeral I laid out 3 general ways I wanted to change my life. These changes came about from all the different thoughts and feelings I had in the week or so after Holland's death. In order to accomplish these changes I have set individual goals related to each one. I started small, with at least one goal attached with each of the 3 things. I tried to set goals that would make an impact but not be too big and too outside myself that I wouldn't do them. Like if I set the goal I wasn't going to make fun of Daniel anymore I would fail within the first 10 minutes. Each day I record at least one thing I did that day to meet my goals. I'll give you one example: "11/9/2011- Stayed completely patient while at the doctor's office and had to wait an hour and a half to see her. She was delivering a baby so there really wasn't anything they could do to speed it up. It was crazy how much more calm and patient Sadie stayed when I wasn't tense and annoyed. She was really good and just played with toys the whole time. Never thought about how me getting annoyed with other people makes Sadie feel/act. (be more kind)" As my current goals become more routine I will set more goals relating to these 3 changes. Maybe I will mention them again in the future so you all can hold me accountable.

So we are exactly 3 weeks into these goals and I have already seen changes. I think the biggest change has been in Sadie's behavior. Daniel tells me I attribute too much to these goals, but I totally disagree. Many of my goals are related to parenting and my relationship/interactions with my girls. One of the goals is to leave the TV off completely when Sadie is awake. It's not like I was letting Sadie watch a ton of kid's shows before, but we almost always had the TV on in the background. We aren't going cold turkey; she is allowed to watch one tv show and one movie each day if she thinks of it and asks, which she normally doesn't. We have DVR so we can just record any shows we want to watch after Sadie is in bed. My original thought with this goal was just that we watched too much tv in our house and it was one way I could keep my family closer (change #3). The effect of this goal has been that I am so much more present and engaged with Sadie (and Elise too). Now that it is off I really play with my girls, not distracted, half-watching HGTV play. I give them close, one-on-two attention. This, in combination with a few other goals has worked wonders with Sadie's attitude.

I don't write this post to brag. I do not qualify for bragging rights in any area of my life (except maybe my Boggle skills- I am really good at Boggle). I write this post to recognize that Holland has pushed me to make these changes- some that I realized I needed to make, others that I didn't. It's really too bad that it has taken a tragedy like this to get me going, but I will always be grateful for Holland and the changes she inspired me to make in myself and my family.